DEWAR - BHAABHI Relationship Abuse

RE: DEWAR - BHAABHI Relationship Abuse

I am not trying to make peace with myself, or the CVs or trying to influence anyone. If you all know, I abhor it so much that I used superlative adjective to make it look disgusting ...as in added the improbable blood relationship to it...and called Incestuous relationship. When I gave my feedback to CVs and Sourabh Tewari and I used the words INCESTUOUS and NAPUNSAK for RK, they might have really laughed at my extreme reaction and quite proud of themselves that they achieved what they did...to invoke disgust within me.

I wanted to tweet ST and want to ask, why he is hell-bent on torturing us with Dips continuation in the story. My friends and me, we are dreading to watch the episode. Some may not even watch and just rely on someone telling them...that it is over, done, not done, was nothing much to panic etc.

But here, I reminded myself of ST's interview posted in Zing Magazine (thanks to Angeena and tabby, I was able to read it. Peeps can go to media thread to read it). ST said, he likes to create NOISE. He needs people to discuss about what is shown. Like he said...he was happy when parliament discussed Baal Vivaah (per BV) and violence and female foeticide (in Na Aana Is Des Laado). Now here in MEIEJ, we make noise over many things. We are caught in the web of emotions and analyse the characters. All of which is true as it applies to lot of people @ real. I have shown many incidents from real life, how I can relate all that character turmoil in those characters.

But here...how come "the Dewar- Bhaabhi relationship" deserves even a platform to discuss? Well, we are not discussing because it is fictional. We are discussing because it is disgusting. Most people like to close their eyes to reality and live in make-believe reality around them.  But time and again, ART/Writers have discussed and portrayed the Dewar-Bhaabhi relationship. 

The Artistic Context behind the presentation

Many movies tell us that it should be seen as Mother-Son relationship. Why ? Because it is convenient and upholds social decorum. I believe in that...being of a conservative mind and wanting to have a code of conduct followed by society and family.

So now ask me, how deeply disgusted I must have felt when Sarat Chandra Chatterjee, Tagore wrote few stories with Dewar-Bhaabhi relationship as the central focus, which soon gets mired in romance. To my mind it was disgusting. It was then explored by Premchand as well. As in writers closer to soil in India of 60 or 100 years back were open about writing it. My parents told me even Telugu literature post independence had some references to these digressions. It was disgusting, nevertheless portrayed as characters transgress their "Maryaada" to give into their desires.

I love Satyajit Ray. I love Soumitro Chatterjee. Now imagine, what I had gone through the entire length of the movie "Chaarulata" when I saw Charulata falling for her Dewar. Fine in the end, everything falls into place. But Charu being a true woman (unlike Dips the immoral woman) forces us and her husband to see how she transgressed from being the mother figure, to friend figure and finally the love interest towards her Dewar. Fine the Dewar sets everything in correct perspective, but as the viewers see it in all perception of things going wrong and Charu is being just Charu, we are ultimately shown how her husband regrets having neglected her so long that she never knew what she was doing. It is painful denouement for everyone. For Charu, her love for her husband and her unrequited feelings for her Dewar, both are true.

This complexity of relationships was portrayed by then writers. Ofcourse me being the hardliner, I was like...There is no need to even Debate". But in my heart, I knew the writers dared to write it and brought out taboo subjects to open platform for discussion. Where do we go from those transgressions caught? In olden days, divorce was not a solution. Bringing it out in the open was much more an insult for the husband...so hushing it up was far better.

I wanted to dig deep into why Tagore would always explore this relationship. So I read and read in the Delhi University library and I found articles from essayists...they could find the reasons why Tagore did that...they discussed the socio-economics of the situation...the old husband, the relatively younger wife closer to match the age of her dewar, the husband missing in action and lot of times, the Dewars taking advantage of the situation with flirtatious romance that was frivolous in nature, with no commitments involved and still filling some romance in their boring life. This was true for the woman also.

Case of Dips is same too. She is bored and also immoral wife with an Idiot Husband. And the Dewar happens to be a single man. Its opportunity for her. And we are disgusted at that. And yes that noise is reaching ST and his team. So now my plea. We heard you. We reasoned with you. But just like in books and probably real life (kept in wraps), these things have an end as they come out in open. Now pleaaazze can we have an end to this ???? PLEAAAZZE 

I am still trying to make up my mind between sending this feedback to Sourabh Tewari or just wait for one or two episodes. Because for sure, he too knows, a riotous noise should also be followed up with an action that quietens us into respecting silence. 

The Purpose

The way I see for olden days writers, they gave viewers...with wives bored in their marriage...which was leading on to ...Break up of marriage Institution.

The olden way of thinking...Shaadi ...Saat Janmo ka Rishta...was being questioned.

Methinks Tagore and all those writers paved way for dissolution of marriage which  was something unthinkable in olden days.

That was literature. With a purpose.

But here in 21st century, I don't see much social purpose for portrayal other than ST trying to be realistic and asking everyone one to come out of their romantic pink colored glasses that we wear to watch life around us. 

Infact I admire that he brought in the complexities. I always remember Rekha and Anant Nag in Kalyug Movie of Shyam Benegal, how Rekha the Bhabhi consoles her brother in law by the end of the movie when his wife is standing there looking at them...unable to give him the peace of mind that her aunt her was giving to him...Yes...to add in more complexity, Supriya Pathak the wife happens to be her niece married to her brother-in-law. Can it get more complicated 

In  real life...I have an example of Govinda marrying his aunt's sister. As in his paternal uncle has a wife who has a very young sister Sunita. Govinda and Sunita fell in love since adoloscents and finally got secretly married, ofcourse with Govinda taking his mother's permission.  Its ridiculous ...as in how would Govinda would have addressed her ..."aunty"  and yet they look such a cute couple.

Coming back to ST's purpose...

ST purposefully made all easy way outs adding cartoonish feel to complex topics.

A dewar who hates his Bhaabhi

A Bhaabhi who is immoral

So here nothing can happen and yet he keeps rubbing that relationship over us.

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Comments from Angeena and Soundarya

Originally posted by Angeena

@Shri

For me the dewar-bhabhi relation is pure. Like Son-Mother or Brother-Sister. Imagining it to go beyond that is absolutely sickening. I don't want to think about it and so I close my mind to it. I do the same when it comes to RK and Dips. I know what she wants from him, but I just don't consider that aspect.

I've taken these Dips and RK scenes from that perspective. Here, RK keeps pushing her away, so all is well in my world. I know it makes me naive in a way but there you are ...

Originally posted by Soundarya22

Yup, SD, am not comfortable with the relationship because it is incestuous...straight and simple. And he's increasingly touching her inappropriately, that is getting disgusting. 

There is a limit to which one can try to be 'alag che'. I even tweeted to colors and ST, after last sat (i have no other work honestly), why are you going the 'bold and beautiful' track where no relationship is sacred??

but is there any point in tweeting...they only get more excited thinking they've made us all agog with curiosity or whatever?